Please, Please, Please Don't Wear That
Or, How Not to Be Nabbed by Stacy and Clinton

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Have you ever looked at someone walking down the street and wondered if they actually looked in the mirror before they left the house?

• Animal print is fabulous. But please, please, please--don't wear more than one piece at a time--unless you want passing hunters to shoot at you. (Exception--if you have animal print on your shoes, and a matching print on your bag, and the rest of your outfit is understated, you'll look like a fashion whiz). And for heaven's sake, don't MIX prints. You are not a walking zoo.

• Don't wear those nylon running suits for anything other than working out. If you insist, at least spare the rest of us by not wearing them on airplanes.

• Hats on airplanes: Why?? (a reader named Margaret pointed out there's a good reason for this, actually...since carryons are limited now and space can be tight, wearing your hat can be the easiest way to transport it. Just be prepared to have to take it off and have it scanned.)

• Scuffed shoes and shoes with rundown heels are a fashion disaster, and can wreck your whole look. Use some polish once in awhile, keep them dusted, and either get them fixed or throw them out when their time has come.
  
• Don't wear shirts that let your belly protrude, especially if you look like you're 5 months pregnant, and you're a guy. (Showing off a trim midriff is fine. Just exercise some judgment.)

• White athletic socks with sandals is not a fashion statement. Never has been, never will be. Neither are dark socks. Especially with shorts. At what point did this seem like a good idea?!

• High heels and hose have their place. That place is not at an outdoor concert by the river. The Kentucky Derby, yes. But at LilithFair?! Even I know better than to wear stiletto heels in the grass.

• Your t-shirt should not be longer than your shorts. It makes people look twice, but not for the reason you want them to!

• Just because you can wear it doesn't mean you should. If you can't take a deep breath or bend over, change clothes.

• Never wear wingtip shoes with Bermuda shorts. Please.

• What is with those big bulky multi-colored sweaters men love so much? I am scared of those things. They're wearing you; you're not wearing them.