Ten Sexy Things in My Closet

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10 sexy things in my closet...ok, besides me. (ha ha). Since I've gotten divorced, I've bought more going out clothes and the number of really sexy items in my closet has increased. Here are some of my favorite pieces. None of them is really trashy, but they could be if I paired them with the wrong things; that's part of the fun.

Updated February 2005

1) Black Leather Pants

OH yeah--the classic sexy item. This is the fourth pair; I had to buy a couple of others before I got it right. The first pair was a 9West pair I found at T J Maxx and bought myself for my birthday...but I was still losing baby weight and by the time my birthday rolled around, I was two sizes too small for these pants! The next pair I bought fit better, but still just weren't right. I returned them, bought a crazy pair at bebe on sale--they were totally too long, and thanks to the zippers in the ankles (I know, I know), they couldn't be shortened. I was in a retail frenzy. Shoot me.

The ones I have now are perfect. They are Gap, cut like boot cut jeans, sit low on the waist, and fit like they were made for me. I didn't even need to have them shortened. Eventually I will wear them out of the house. :)

2) Black Leather Skirt

Detecting a theme here? I love my leather skirt. It's buttery soft lambskin, it's short, black, and too cute. It looks great with my black leather jacket, but I've totally got to be in the right mood to carry off that look. It takes alot of attitude to do it without looking slutty. Shoe choice is critical with this skirt. Too much boot makes me look like a refugee from an 80s era ZZ Top video; a flat shoe or too high a heel just looks disproportionate. But with black tights and the right shoes, and a chunky turtleneck (to keep the look from being over the top), it's great.

3) Red Suede Pants

Definitely into the animal skin thing. I found these pants at TJ Maxx for an unbelievable $15, and they're great. A muted red, with a low waist and boot cut leg, these pants get a lot of attention. People think I'm younger than I am when I wear them, and I've had gay guys come up to me on the dance floor just to tell me they love my pants. It's very fun, it makes me feel young, and they look great. Another one of those things where you have to think the outfit through carefully to keep on the right side of slutty, but well worth the effort. 25 year old boys hit on me when I wear these things.

4) Black Wrap Top

This top is something else. It's the rare wrap top that stays, well, wrapped, without giving the world any inadvertent flashes of lingerie. It's Banana Republic, and pretty low cut, but even with my ample chest, it works. That's a rare thing for a wrap top when you're built like I am. Again, eventually, I will wear it out of the house without a tank top or something under it.

5) Black Club Monaco Pants

These are quite flexible; I can wear them for work, or dress them up for going out. They're a first date standby, and they even make me look slim when I'm retaining water--and I retain water like the Hoover Dam.. I feel fabulous when I put them on, no matter what I'm doing. I reiterate my plea for Club Monaco to sell through their website! I found these at Snooty Fox, so I got lucky. But unless I go to Canada or get lucky again, I can't get any more! C'mon, Club Monaco! Open your e-store!!! I want more pants!!!!

6) Black Zip Skirt

This truly borders on being slutty, but I love it. It's a black stretch skirt, knee-length, from bebe. And it has these zippers. One is for the slit in the back; it goes up a few inches. The other three run all the way down the sides and all the way down the front. Yes, the skirt truly zips into three pieces. I finally have worn it out of the house--once for a big girls night out, and once for this past Halloween..when I dressed as Madonna circa 1984. And the only thing I had to buy for that outfit was the lace ribbon for my hair. I am not sure whether I should be proud of this or not.

7) Black Knee High Boots These are amazing. They have a slim, sexy high heel that's not so high it precludes walking, but high enough to be really hot. I like to wear them with knee-length skirts, or longer. They are Kenneth Cole, and I loved them from the moment I saw them in the catalog. I have worn them with short skirts, with knee-length skirts, and upon occasion with pants. They once prompted an extremely ill-mannered young man to inquire "Do you have sex in those boots?" To which I wish I had responded "I guess you'll never know, will you?" I didn't get the chance, because my friends drowned him out with boos and hisses and chastisements. Which in and of itself was pretty fun.

8) Stretch Tank Top

Oooh, these are really wonderful. Gap makes these gorgeous cotton tank tops with a built-in bra. They have just enough Lycra in them to give really good support. The really great thing is that the bra doesn't give you the horrible uniboob that so many of them do. I feel great when I wear these. I actually spent most of the summer in them, at least on my nights at home. And I did wear one to a concert or two.

9) Shoes in General

I love shoes, as you've probably figured out if you've spent much time on this site. I have a lot of heels, a lot of strappy, sexy sandals, and a lot of boots. There are these great little shoe boots with a sexy vamp and a killer heel, the "Sex in the City" black patent leather stilettos, the Bisou Bisou black suede strappy heels, the Kenneth Cole short boots....shoes really set the tone of an outfit, and the right ones can make even something ordinary look really sexy.

10) Black Fitted Jacket

Oh, this is a naughty/nice thing. It reminds me of something the Queen Andais in Laurell K. Hamilton's "A Kiss of Shadows" would wear. It's a long, fitted black blazer with silver hook and eye fasteners in the front (they look kind of like heavy duty lingerie) and a lace-up, corset style fitting in the back. Not sure where I'll wear it, but it was one of those things I bought because I loved it--and when that happens, the occasion always presents itself.